you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
