I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want her autograph on my taint
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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