Im at strip club and am horny
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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