I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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