thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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