The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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