I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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