i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
