I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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