Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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