You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
do herpes really smell.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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