Will you blow on my dice?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
