I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize