I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
