I can text with my tongue
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
