Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
