My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
