Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
