awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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