dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
