Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
