With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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