you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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