Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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