Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
