Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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