are you still at the devil's house?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
false alarm, still single
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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