You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you will always have a special place in my vag
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
