she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
