i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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