i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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