sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
