Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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