Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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