Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
