i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
