Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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