she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize