My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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