So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
