she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
