My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
