I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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