I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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