I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
