i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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