I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
