he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
