The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize