my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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