Small penises have feelings too.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
