I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
