My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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