too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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