i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize