we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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