Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
