I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
