I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
someone owes me an orgasm
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
