Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
