Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize