apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
