a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
