Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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