You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
