So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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