That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
