Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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