Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
