Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
