just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
