I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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