Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
