billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
