considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
