You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
