Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
