It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
