Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
