Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
