who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
