You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
