And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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