Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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