i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I bet he comes in French.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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