I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
