I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
