I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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