My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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