i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
