I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
