this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
