pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He felt like a one man threesome
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
