and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
