dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
