cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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