So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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