I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
