My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
